I have never quite understood Gods plan for our family in giving us a disabled little boy.
I know of Gods ‘perfect plans’ but where does this fit in? The anger, pain, sadness and grief we often feel seems to outweigh all other plans. I often find myself asking the question ‘How does this, with all the emotion and stress it beings, fit into Gods ultimate plan?’ or to put it bluntly ‘Why us, God?’ Why us? Why not another family who isn’t in ministry? Why not a family who could cope with the stress and emotions?
As i say these words i am bought back to Psalm 139 ‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.’ It is my hope and prayer that as our little boy grows up he will know that he is made wonderfully in Christ eyes. Knit together to honour, serve and love God all the days of his life.
Last holidays i was reading a book that said: ‘Nothing happens to you, except what God allows for his glory and your ultimate benefit.’ I remember siting on the plane thinking ‘MY ULTIMATE BENEFIT, THIS HAS DONE NOTHING FOR MY BENEFIT!’ But, i must confess, i was so wrong!
Having a child with a disability in our family has been a great joy and blessing. It has taught me unconditional love, gentleness in voice and certainly patience! It has grown us together in Christ-likness as we eagerly await the day that ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’ – Rev 21:4.
Of course this does not take away the sadness, anger, pain, hurt and frustration that we feel here. But we are certain in the hope that Christ will, either when he returns or when he brings our little boy home, create a new and perfect body, where we will dwell with him. And we await the day of his return.